Next up, removal of all animals and a halt to all conversations about coffee.
Yesterday, a college student totally schooled Jerry Seinfeld on the basics of comedy. In that “open letter”, he said that Jerry should learn from other comedians who do it “right”, like Amy Schumer.
Not so fast, random college kid! Because apparently, Schumer doesn’t do funny right either!!
This is, well, this is…something.
–See Mad Max. It’s a nearly perfect action movie. But there is going to come a point when Tom Hardy is going to have to stop making the weirdest acting choices. And why is his face covered in every movie? Let the man be beautiful.
–See Ex Machina. It’s the opposite of everything Mad Max is, yet equally awesome. I wish this is what more movies were.
–See the Mad Men finale. I thought this season sucked. And the season before it wasn’t much better. But man, the finale kinda blew my mind. There’s been so much written about it, it’s actually been quite annoying. Particularly “analyzing” the last scenes. Is this necessary? I don’t know. Just make your own judgments, for God’s sake. But I thought what’s been left out of all this rehashing is how many zingers there were in the last episode. So many great lines. Matthew Weiner started off as a comedy writer and he’s still got it. Loved the writing.
The best thing I read about the finale, and definitely the most unique, was by good ol’ Earl Pomerantz. Very, very interesting perspective and spot on.
–Read David McCullough’s “The Wright Brothers”. I never knew the full story of the Wright Brothers before. It isn’t a perfect book, but I really enjoyed reading it.
–Read Joe McGinniss’ “Fatal Vision”. I went down a “Jinx” related rabbit hole after that ended, and discovered this book. It was written over 20 years ago and holy shit, it made me so mad at you guys. How do you not tell me about this stuff?!! It’s a true crime story and totally worth the read. I became obsessed with this case, as apparently anyone does who reads about it does. What other awesome shit am I missing out on?!
–Read my guest recap of “Married at First Sight” for previously.tv. For some reason I’m fascinated by that show, even though everyone on it this season is awful. Had fun writing about it…
It was a genius plan. The Bachelorette has never been as good as The Bachelor. There’s something about women fighting over a man that is pure entertainment, whereas men fighting over a woman? Well that happens every day in every town, USA, my friends.
But they had a brainstorm! What if it was TWO Bachelorettes? One is hot and sexy and dumb. And the other is cute with a personality. Who would the guys go for? Would hotness trump all, as it does in the real world? We needed to know!
And they just so happened to have the perfect women for this grand experiment. The Bachelorette franchise has been filled with contestants who just weren’t good enough. Meredith, DeAnna, that bitch who lived in a tent. And I don’t even want to go into the debacle that was Jillian. But here we had two women who we all could get excited about. Britt is legitimately hot. Kaitlyn is legitimately cool. Everything came together.
And then they got stupid. They decided to kick off one of them on opening night.
I can’t fathom the reason for this. Do they not want to entertain us? This could’ve been the perfect storm! Take the competitiveness of the dudes, add cattiness to the girls, and then the thing just compounds and combusts in an explosion of hot tubs and helicopter rides.
Think about it. A guy is there for Britt. But he starts liking Kaitlyn. Britt can’t believe it. This has never happened to her before. What kind of stops does she pull out to get that guy back in her camp? Um how about all of them?!
Oh, the possibilities. Alas, it wasn’t to be. So we’ll have to cope with Kaitlyn and her newly plumped up lips. At least there seems to be some interesting twists in store. The return of Nick! Kaitlyn fucking someone and then telling the guys about it!
So that’s good. But it could’ve been better…
We all remember where we were when Magic Johnson announced his retirement from the NBA in 1991, and I’m sure you guys feel the same way about when I announced my retirement from blogging in December. It just didn’t seem fair. A legendary career snuffed out while still in its prime.
Well, ever since that announcement, I’ve been mulling over exactly what I wanted to do. Could I really hang up my Macbook Air? Could I really keep quiet over the success of lesser talents? Would The Bachelor even stay on the air without me propping it up for the last 10 years?
These were difficult questions for me to wrestle with, but I’m happy to tell you that I did come up with some answers.
I am in fact done recapping The Bachelor. I’ve said all that could be said. I always feel like I’m making jokes I’ve done before. And it really kills my Monday nights because that’s also when my basketball league is, and let’s face it, my team needs me and needs my laser like focus.
In a related note, I’ve been working on my Dirk Nowitzki one leg step back mid-range jumper, and it is extremely effective. I’m actually starting to feel bad for defenders.
I’ll be honest though, it’s gonna be tough missing out on the Kaitlyn and Britt team up. It’s almost like The Bachelor Gods are fucking with me. That is borderline irresistible. But resist, I will. Of course I’m still gonna watch though. I’ve been watching The Real World since 1992!!! Many of you are younger than how long I’ve been watching The Real World. These ho’s ain’t loyal, but I am! I will stick with The Bachelor ’till the bitter end, when they’re bringing out Juan Pablo for a 2nd and 3rd go around and Brad (or is it Chad?!) for his tenth!
As for non-Bachelor related items, that’s a little tougher. So I’m gonna leave the door open to that. It might mean 1 post a month or 1 post a year, maybe less than that. But if there’s something I just have to get out there, that must be shared, I know I have notes from a hack here to share it.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for your comments. Thanks for 10 great years.
Please, it is not necessary to leave any goodbye comments. You already did that back in December, and I’m not trying to be a drama queen about it. And it isn’t goodbye, it’s a, “maybe I’ll see ya later”.